” As a plus-size woman of color, I hear this question in two scenarios.Either the guy is trying to see if I’m cool with him not being black, or the guy is trying to see if I’m cool with him being skinny.
Some of you may be thinking that this question means the guy is trying to plan a future date for us. There is no faster way to make me feel like I’m failing at life than to ask me why I’m single.
I really wish you were right, but that’s what makes this question extra annoying: The same guys who ask me what I to do for fun will turn around in two weeks, and ask me what I would like to do for our first date, even though I’ve given them a list of things I do for fun. I mean, what is the right answer to a question like this?
I was having brunch with some girlfriends the other day, and we got on the subject of first dates. It’s a generic question that breeds generic answers, and doesn’t really give you additional insight into who I am.
While we all had different experiences, there was one thing we all agreed on: There are a few questions we are absolutely of hearing from guys on a first date. Asking me what I “do for fun” kind of makes me feel like I’m on an interview, not a date.
Before the craziness of Tinder, Grindr and other swipe-as-you-go dating apps, there were services that actually cared about personality, values and interests when it came to a match. It's just natural that you and your partner are on the same page, too. Being a 20-something is probably the biggest grey area you'll encounter in your life.
You know those commercials that have that old guy talking about all the couples who got married through their online dating website? Instead, they filled out a comprehensive questionnaire that gave them an idea of what they were getting into. Nobody wants that needy partner who always needs attention. However, it's better to be in the same grey area as your significant other. Depending where you're from, the norm might be different.(aka, “Why are you single: The Remix)This is one of those backhanded compliments that really has no response. As a Plus-Size Princess, I often wonder if the guys asking me out have dated big girls before (not that it matters, but I do wonder), and I’ve learned that the answer is rarely helpful.When men say this to me, it makes me feel like something is wrong with me — especially because 99% of the men who use corny lines like this will not make any moves to take me off the market. If his last three girlfriends looked like Jennifer Lopez, I may feel insecure, but if his last three girlfriends looked like Rebel Wilson, I might wonder if he’s a chubby chaser.Meaning: Instead of asking “What do you do for fun? ” and from there, I’ll get to learn what the person enjoys doing in their free time.Instead of being in the moment and asking about things based on the person we’re with, people come with these dating interview questions that they use on everyone they’ve ever met, and expect sparks to fly with generic inquisitions. I call these annoying dating questions, but they might just be lazy dating questions.In my opinion, this question just shows that he’s calculating how soon we’ll be hooking up, which is just tacky.